DeeperLook

I’m going to take time to write about my background, where I came from, my high school and why I am so glad to finally be in college. So, most of you already know that I moved down to Blacksburg after 6th grade. My dad got a new job, and we had to move because of it. I used to live in Honeoye Falls, New York. I’m going to be honest, I loved it up there. Thought the weather wasn’t always amazing, and I didn’t have many friends, I still loved it. But when that one summer day did come, it was like Christmas morning (but without the snow). In school, I was never the popular one, I would always sit either in the back or middle so I wouldn’t get noticed. I was also the nerdy girl that people tried to avoid, it wasn’t very fun. When you’re younger I don’t think you realize how your actions can hurt the people around you. In a way, I felt invisible. I wasn’t the most confident person when I was younger because I was really short, fat, and had acne. I wasn’t happy with the way I looked, and I think people noticed that. I was telling my friend a couple days ago that I was fat as a child because my parents always told me to eat everything on my plate at the dinner table. When I was younger, I didn’t know portion control, so I would grab a lot of food, in turn I would have to eat it all. I’m not sure if that’s how I became fat, but that’s what I like to think.
So when I moved down to Blacksburg I was really excited because I could start my life over again. I could get some real friends, and actually be “popular,” whatever that means. So here I am, little short, semi-fat (I was starting to thin out), Melissa. I felt really confident when I moved because people didn’t know me and I could basically become anyone I wanted to be. So first day of school, I was still quiet, I was waiting for people to talk to me because I was really shy. I met some really good friends, but still no one that really seemed to be “best friend” material. So finally in 7th grade, this girl named Claire moved down to Blacksburg and we had a few classes together. We started talking and getting in trouble together, so we became best friends. We had slumber parties every weekend and things were going great. I really liked who I had become, I was known in the school, and it seemed that people wanted to be friends with me. Well turns out, I was only known because I was the loud, obnoxious girl that everyone secretly hated. Since I had been attention deprived from my past, I really liked all the attention that I was getting, even though it was good attention. I finally grew out of that stage once high school started, and I was so happy. Now that I think about it, I really didn’t like who I was. I don’t want to be the person who wants attention and will do anything to get it.
So, I was in high school now and I have become semi-loud but only with the people that I was good friends with. As the years went by, I simmered down to the person I really was. I realized that I am a girl who wants to have a good time, but finds it hard to make friends. I used to be really social because I was confident. I still am confident, but something has changed and I don’t know what it is. Since high school started, I started to lose friends. They were getting interested in drinking and smoking and I was left behind. I didn’t want to do any of that, therefore I lost all my friends. Luckily there was this one person that never left my side. His name is Brian, and he is my best friend. Through all the hard times, he was there. He never left me for drugs and alcohol. We were perfect together, and still are. Brian is my boyfriend of two years, and I have known him for four years. But there is one downside to having someone this close to you. He is always there, so while I’m trying to meet new people, he is there, and personally, I would rather be with him because he is my security blanket. I don’t want to be like this anymore. I want to meet new people, get new friends because all my old ones found new friends. I have tried for so long to get them back, and try to understand where they are coming from, but I just don’t understand, and I’m ready to meet people that are just like me. Unfortunately I haven’t found new friends yet, even though I am in college. There are so many people to choose from, but I still can’t find that one person to be my best friend. I still talk to Claire, but it’s not the same as it was. She has changed into someone that I didn’t become friends with at first. Although I still like her as a person, she has lost the best friend gene that I liked in the beginning.
So here I am in college, ready to become an engineer, and I have no girlfriends. I listen to this radio show called “Love Line,” though they don’t air anymore, I listen via internet. This show is great; it’s hosted by Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew and they basically answer calls and help people with their relationships and love life. So there was this one episode where a girl was having boyfriend problems and said that she didn’t have any girlfriends. Dr. Drew stated that girls should have a group of other girls that they hang out with. I think that this is true and I need to start looking.

Until next time,
Melissa